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Why So Serious Steve?

You take life so seriously Steve” — said everyone to me as I started to engage deeply with life.


Yes. I take my one, infinite, open, creative existence with utmost seriousness. What the f**k else am I going to do? Do you not? 


Think about it —


You wouldn’t plan a trip to Disneyland and then sit on a bench all day. You would get a map, plan the rides, make sure you find the best food stalls, plan more rides and make sure you fit everything in and do everything to maximise your entire experience. Think about the necessary planning you do to ensure your holidays are the best they can be.


Why is your life and existence any different to this? Why would you not show up with the same level of passionate and intricate effort for every single piece of your one existence?


Think very long about what is being said here.


And remember, taking your life seriously does not mean that you become a serious person. I have found the opposite to be true.

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Your Authentic Self-Expression

Spend some time with these questions.


How are you being inauthentic? How is this affecting you?

In what ways do you want to express yourself authentically?

What does your highest authentic expression look like?

How do you feel when you express yourself authentically?

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The Expectations Trap

An interesting quote from the book Same as Ever by Morgan Housel —

 

“Imagine a life where almost everything gets better but you never appreciate it because your expectations rise as fast as your circumstances. It’s terrifying, and almost as bad as a world where nothing gets better.”

 

This is worth spending some time thinking about.

 

How do your expectations rise as you reach more goals?

Do you pause to enjoy, engage and integrate each next level you reach?

Do you get stuck in the trap of always wanting more no matter how much you achieve?

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Fading Away Song

Been loving this song lately.

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Fully Feeling Cravings Is Your Superpower

The physical feeling of sexual energy literally has nothing to do with porn and masturbation. 

Sexual energy is a physical sensation, an emotive energy running through your body. It is an alive and vibrant force.

If you can slowly start to train yourself to focus 100% on that feeling and learn to become very present to how good it feels in your body, then you learn to experience it directly, rather than always associating it with the action of engaging in PMO.

Focus on your direct experience only. When your mind wanders, keep bringing yourself back to the literal sensations in your body. Become curious about them.

Slowly, over time, you will be able to sit with these feelings longer and longer, until they simply become something to experience and enjoy, whenever they arise, in the same way you feel your joy without feeling the need to go do anything with it specifically, other than bask in its presence.

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The Smallest Possible Step

Today, what is the smallest possible step you can take towards x?

 

Ask this question everyday for 5 years straight, follow through on the answer, and you might find out just how powerful of a creator you actually are.

 

Stop underestimating yourself.

 

You just need to follow a consistent process. Start to realize the power of intentional focus extended over a long period of time. 

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3 Mistakes To Avoid When Quitting Porn

These are three major mistakes you might encounter when embarking on the journey of removing PMO from your life.


 

Going cold turkey. When it comes to undoing the current structure of your ego and identity, it will take time, so be patient and try to avoid extreme changes of behaviour as these can often make your ego go into backlash mode and cause you to become more attached to porn.

 

Treating relapse as a failure or you going back to square one. Relapses are normal and a part of the journey towards success. If you choose to stay conscious and observe each relapse carefully, this can often give you more awareness that ends up helping you make more progress. So treat relapses with respect and pay attention when they happen.

 

Thinking a long streak means true progress. If you have a long streak, whilst having no internal emotional transformation or identity shift, then a streak is just a sign of good will power. Often, people will have a long streak, whilst still being very attached to PMO, and its this level of attachment that you must use as the yardstick of true change.

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All It Takes Is One Idea

A single idea from a single book, followed all the way to its end, can change your entire life.


Now imagine you read 200 over 20 years.

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The Earth Is Unfathomable

This video blew my mind. The Earth is so vast and so multi-dimensional that it is actually unfathomable. This video should make you appreciate the magic that is Reality so much more.

 

It can also give you some ideas of where you might want to travel.

 

It is a perfect, infinite system.

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Some Insights To Help You Defeat PMO Addiction

If you struggle with habitual engagement with porn and masturbation, these insights can come in handy.

 

Contemplate their importance or relevance and see how you can integrate them in order to remove this addiction.

 

Here are the insights:

Cravings always pass. If you can get through the bubble during heightened cravings, they will eventually disappear. Breaking habits is often about learning to surrender to the feelings within this bubble knowing that they will be gone in a short while. It’s not about fighting these feelings.

PMO addiction is often solved somewhere else. In a lot of cases, you will be engaging with porn and masturbation, not to get it specifically, but because you have learned to use it to escape something else. Often this habit is reflective of a disconnection or avoidance or fear of another area in your life.

Move the energy. Physical movement helps to move the physical and mental energy of cravings.

Surround yourself with others who are on the same journey. It can make a tremendous difference to stay accountable with other guys who are dealing with this struggle and addiction.

Raise your awareness. If you do engage with PMO whilst trying to remove it, use this as an opportunity to increase your awareness during that time and watch the entire process unfold, to gain a greater understanding of what drew you in, what you were thinking and believing, if it leaves you as satisfied as you thought it would, as well as any other insights that come up from your active observation.

Build a new understanding about what porn and masturbation actually are. Instead of just seeing PMO as some fun way to feel good, start to understand the type of industry you are supporting, the type of people you might be supporting, what it means to masturbate whilst watching other people have sex, how it changes what sexually stimulates your brain, how it changes your brain chemistry, as well as how it actually affects the rest of your life and behaviour. This is about seeing these things for exactly what they are and not the fantasy in your mind about what they are.

Observe the effect of no PMO. When you don’t engage, pay attention to how good a few days PMO free makes you feel. Use this as a way to start building the understanding that life is both good and safe without this habit.

Don’t engage with guilt or moralising around PMO. This journey is not a question of wrong and right, but rather learning about that which either takes you further or closer to the type of life that you want. It’s just about seeing in plain sight how this habit affects your life until you realize that it needs to go. If guilt does arise, simply observe it whilst reminding yourself that you are neither wrong/right for engaging/removing PMO.

Don’t suppress sexual desires. Sexual energy is normal and healthy. This is not about suppressing but rather channeling the sexual energy more constructively, to get you more of what you actually want.

Notice the effects on other areas. Start to build deep awareness around how PMO might be affecting your dating confidence, relationships and sex life. In almost every case, engagement with PMO will have some sort of affect on your experience and interaction with real women.

Avoid too much streak building. This can be a useful tool, but it is not the root solution. Streak building often is a way to avoid genuine internal identity shifting and emotional transformation, and rather keeps guys trapped in obsessing over willpower and pure effort.

Become stimulated by real human connection. Start to connect more with other people and practice being very present and stimulated by the engagement with other people and women. You want to start to understand and feel how much better real socialising/sex/connection is, compared to porn.

Avoid too much caffeine. I mention this because I have found in my personal experience, that a lot of caffeine often greatly increased my libido during the day, which made it much more difficult to fight cravings.

Practice prolonging the time between cravings and engagement with PMO. Going cold turkey on this habit will unlikely be effective, and so you can have much better results by training your mind slowly to delay the gratification between when cravings first arise and when you actually act on it. What helps, is to learn to enjoy simply feeling deeply into the physical cravings until such time that you don’t always feel the need to use the feelings to go act on them. Start slowly and build up the distance of this gap.

These are just a few insights of many that you can start contemplating and using to break free from the addiction to PMO. These are insights that I developed over many years whilst struggling with and studying PMO and habits in general.

 

And remember, if you keep going, you will get there!

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Thinking About The Good Life

What does the good life look like for you?

 

Spend some time journalling with this one. It can be very eye opening and inspiring.

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How To Be Decisive

This video served me greatly on my journey. I hope it helps you too.

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A New Way Of Existing

This video is pointing to something extremely profound.

 

We are stuck in a dopamine addiction epidemic. Pure pleasure chasing.

 

Don’t get me wrong, pleasure can be indulged in, but don’t mistake it as a path to joy and fulfillment. It’s not. The path of pleasure and the path of deep connection to life are different paths.

 

Connection to existence, connection to your being, will solve the problem that you have been trying to solve by chasing pleasure. Connection to your presence, the start of it all, holds the answer.

 

Chasing pleasure is like changing the channel on a tiny, broken television hoping the crappy experience gets solved somehow. Connection to your being is changing the television itself to an 8K flat-screen.

 

Then anything you watch will be amazing. See the difference?

 

If your core connection to your being is not in place, no amount of chasing will change anything.

 

Just ask yourself, has the game of pleasure ever given you what you were looking for, truly? Really look deeply.

 

Have you ever considered that you may have been looking in the wrong place the entire time?

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Your Relationship To Reality

These 2 powerful questions can become a genuine guide throughout your life, especially when you’re young looking for personal and existential clarity.

 

Spend a lot of time with them. They will change everything. Keep a running document or journal for these questions, as they evolve over time. Keep coming back to them over and over again.

 

What connects me to reality?

What disconnects me from reality?

 

As you develop more answers to these questions, you can then push to create more of the types of things that connect you to life and work to remove that which disconnects you from it.

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Just a video for you

Quote of the week

“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour” — Henry David Thoreau

Book of the month

One of the central ideas in Of Boys and Men is that modern society is struggling to understand the changing role of men and boys, often leaving them without clear guidance or support. It argues that many men are falling behind in education, work, and social connection, not because of lack of ability, but because the structures around them have shifted faster than they can adapt. The book explores how outdated expectations and neglected developmental needs can lead to disengagement, frustration, and a loss of identity. It calls for a more balanced conversation that supports both genders, emphasizing the importance of purpose, mentorship, and healthy models of masculinity. At its core, it is about recognizing the unique challenges facing men today and creating a path where they can grow, contribute, and find meaning without being dismissed or left behind.

Challenge of the month

Every day spend 30 minutes contemplating a powerful question.

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